13 things my husband is looking for in a friend.

Ok, so I know this might be a little unconventional, but here’s what’s about to happen. My husband, Dovid (who’s probably going to kill me for doing this, I might add), is in need of friends. Does he have some? Yes. Could he use some more? Yes. So I have taken it upon myself to post a “Friend Wanted Ad”. I acknowledge that this is crossing about a million boundaries, but I think I’m going to make one for myself as well (or let him write one for me), so at least we’ll be even. The thing about Dovid is he’s like me. He waits for people to come to him. And unlike me, he’s very picky about his friends. I can’t tell you how many people have tried to be his friend over the years, and he simply isn’t interested.

Most of my best friends today are the people I’ve known since I was a baby, or someone I went to highschool or college with. Dovid never really got that opportunity. He switched schools a lot throughout his life, so just as he was starting to make friends, he would have to start all over again in a different place. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been. And even though Dovid probably is smarter than all of my college professors combined, he never went to college, so college friends didn’t happen either.

 

Here’s what I’ve observed about Dovid and what he’s “looking for” in a friend:

  1. Someone considerate. Jerks need not apply.
  2. A guy’s guy. Someone who likes violent movies, beer and sports. There was one point where I tried really hard to care about sports. We even started this thing where we were going to try to make it to every baseball field in America. I think we hit about 6 at this point. But if I’m being real, sports bore the heck outta me. So if someone who actually enjoys them wants to take my place, the seat is all yours.
  3. Someone who appreciates travel and adventure (AKA, up for anything.)
  4. Anyone who has even the slightest interest in airplanes, running, carpentry, baking, cooking, computers (and oh, the hobbies and interests keep on coming.) Or can appreciate what he’s into at the very least.
  5. Someone successful, particularly in the monetary realm. (This may sound shallow, but it’s not like he’s marrying the dude; he just has an appreciation for the finer things in life, and probably would be more comfortable around someone else who can appreciate those things as well. Ironic, I know, cuz we broke. But still.)
  6. Someone put together. They don’t need to be a male model or anything (truth be told, I think he’d just laugh if he were ever in the same room as one), but they do need to show that they care about their appearance. I recently heard a quote about how being put together is how we show respect for those around us. And as someone who is a far cry from stylish or fashionable, that really resonated with me for some reason.
  7. Someone who appreciates sarcasm and offensive humor. This might sound like it contradicts #1, but as long as you’re not being mean to actual people, we good.
  8. Someone as smart or smarter than he is (pretty difficult to come by).
  9. Someone with a good head on his shoulders, who is a moral and upstanding member of society, and can give good advice.
  10. Someone who won’t annoy the heck out of him, but will check up on him, be there for him, and genuinely want to be a good friend.
  11. Someone who is honest, open and not boastful.
  12. Someone who might be interested in being his chavrusa/learning with him on a regular basis.
  13. Someone who has a wife and at least one child is preferable, but not necessary.

 

Speaking as a girl who grew up practically as an only child (my brother and sister are 17 and 16 years older than me, respectively), I didn’t have much exposure to the social norms of the opposite gender growing up. I still don’t totally understand men, and probably never will, but what I do know is that some guys are super friendly, and some guys aren’t. Either way, though, I think almost everyone could use a friend, and it’s sad that having a lot of friends isn’t as important to men as it is to myself or most of the women I know (at least from what I’ve observed thus far.)

I remember going out with a guy long ago and asking him to tell me about his friends. He responded that he had none. I was shocked. I didn’t know what to do with that information. At the end of the day, someone’s wife can’t be their everything and vice versa. Having others in our lives is so vital to the human experience, that just one other person ain’t gonna cut it. I know they say if you have one really good friend, you’re lucky, but I would argue you need more than one. My husband recently asked our Rav if halachically being part of a minyan is better than davening at home with more kavana. He responded that davening with a minyan is more important, not because of the kavana aspect, but because of the community aspect. Feeling like you’re part of something and having social interactions with others is essential. If we all stayed alone, how could we possibly ever grow? I don’t know about you guys, but I tell my friends like it is. Don’t come to me if you want fake advice, because that’s not what you’re getting from me. And I’d expect the same from my friends. What good is someone who just tells you what you want to hear if you really need to be hearing something different?

Anyhow, sorry for the longest post ever (I’m obviously experiencing writing withdrawal from the Rosh Hashana blogging hiatus.) The point is though, if you are or know anyone who fits the criteria mentioned above, please feel free to email me at girlbehindtheglasses26@gmail.com. And we can set the first meet up or phone call. Or we could do double dates and wives can join as well. Man, friends really are like shidduch dating. May the best man win.

 

Nehama

 

4 Comments

  1. Wow, I sound like the pickiest person alive, I’m not (am I?).

    #5 is not so important
    #8 is not either, I don’t care how someone’s intellect compares with mine, I just prefer to converse with intelligent beings. It’s more important that they don’t refer to themselves as intellectual, that won’t do.

    So I guess I’m only looking for guy friends now?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My husband would be so displeased if I did this to him, but I agree, guys need friends too. I’d also say it pays to save your friendship for a decent calibre of friend. A bad friend can do more harm than not having any.
    It’s been a month – did you get any suitable responses?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, most guys would hate it. And I think part of my husband hated it and part of him was thoroughly amused. I agree with you about the calibre of friends being important. And in terms of responses, let’s just say, my post did what I intended it to do. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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