This past weekend, I drove to Chicago to spend a couple days with close friends. I went by myself. Dovid and I both take trips on our own, because we know how important it is to us; to recharge our batteries so to speak. We know a lot of people look down on this sort of thing, because they don’t understand why we’re spending any money, when, technically, we don’t have any. Also, in our circles, spouses don’t typically travel separately. They either travel together, or better yet, with the kids. The sense I get, is that people believe it’s irresponsible to leave one’s child in the care of the other parent; especially, when it comes to mothers going away. Likewise, when Dovid and I go away together, and leave Matis in the care of someone else, it’s neglectful parenting.
I argue the opposite. I acknowledge that this might not be the case for some, but I know that in my case, I was feeling very burnt out, and this vacation was just what I needed to re energize and feel refreshed to tackle whatever life throws at me. I would even argue that I am a better wife and mother, because I went on this trip. I now have the patience, wherewithal, and perspective to give back to my family; whereas, before, I was pretty much running on fumes.
This trip was also pretty momentous for me, because it was the last few days I had with my car. I will be returning my car to the leasing company today, and somehow, Dovid and I will have to manage with just his car. Honestly, though, it was a nice long goodbye between me and my baby. This car has been with me for the last 2.5 years, and a lot has happened in that time, including learning how to drive on the highway and the sense of liberation that goes along with that. Mostly, however, this car has been my space (dents and scratches included). Living in tiny apartments and with my in-laws, having my own space wasn’t really an option, but what I did have was my car. I sat in it long after I had reached my destination, just listening to music, getting some work done, and talking on the phone to those closest to me. I know it’s just a car, but what it represents is so much more than that.
I think I’m okay with this change, because I know things will start to get better soon, and I’ll hopefully be able to afford another car of my own. In the interim, we will hopefully be moving into our house some time in the near future, and I plan to dedicate a room just for me. I want to paint the walls pink, and insert fluffy glamorous (and cheap) things that are mine and mine alone. It will be wondrous.
Working in professional organizing, I go into a lot of people’s homes, and the common theme is that if there is an extra space, it’s used as a guest bedroom, which is barely utilized, or, it’s dedicated as the husband’s office. Now, I have no problem with husbands having their own space; in fact, I think it’s crucial. But just as vital, is a private space just for wives. Everyone deserves to have something that is just theirs. So, what I usually do with my clients, is figure out how we can make them their own space away from all the chaos. Even if we have to buy room dividers or insert curtains to separate it off, having a place to just be and think and do all the things that an individual needs to do to grow and process life is essential.
There’s nothing like the open road, some good tunes, and a podcast or two to help clear your mind, and help you look at life with a new light. So grateful for this opportunity, and I would highly recommend it to anyone, regardless of how stressful or not stressful their life is. Wishing you all a happy new year, and asking your forgiveness if I have hurt you in any way. Love and good vibes to you all.