I’ve been getting a lot of questions lately from friends, family, and even people I’ve never even met. They mostly revolve around the same theme. How do you not care what people think? How can you share such personal details of your life and not be reeling from embarrassment? What’s your secret? Don’t you think you’re oversharing?
The truth is, I care what people think about me. I care a lot. I wish I didn’t, but I do. I know very few people who truly do not seem to care about what other people think; and, honestly, I’m jealous of them. I think it’s a personality thing. I know, for myself, I’m a people pleaser. Making people happy and getting validation from others is important to me. Maybe it shouldn’t be. But it is.
So then why are you spilling some of your deepest darkest secrets to everyone?, you ask. Well, there’s a few reasons.
- I wish there was a blog like this around for me when I first began to go through all these struggles, with someone in a similar demographic, so that I’d know I wasn’t alone.
- I hope to help others (and from some really sweet messages I’ve received, it sounds like this blog has helped a lot of you to feel less alone), which is definitely the point.
- This blog serves as a sort of therapy for me. I obviously already go to actual therapy, but writing out how I feel about a certain topic forces me to make sense of all of it in my mind in a tangible way.
- I no longer have to be fake. I don’t have to have conversations with people who ask me how I’m doing, and pretend that everything is fine. Cuz sometimes it’s not. And now that it’s out in the open, I feel free. You’re talking to the real, authentic me. Not some made up version you only see the best parts of on Facebook and Instagram.
- My life wasn’t what I wanted it to be. I was living in such a painful state, that I didn’t feel I had much to lose by opening up. Only something to gain. As someone who is acutely aware of how fragile life is, I know that death-bed-me (sorry for the graphics) would want this blog to happen. So here it is.
A lot of people have been upset with my blog, and how it could possibly negatively reflect on and affect myself and my family. So far I’ve shared real things. Yes, bankruptcy, mental illness, and special needs diagnoses aren’t exactly positive, but hiding these realities is only isolating those who experience them that much more.
And this may totally be paranoia speaking, but I’ve noticed certain people treating me differently lately. Some better, some worse. All I can say is, I’m happy they know the real me, and if they feel like they don’t want to be associated with me any longer, I can only respect that. To each his own. Not everyone is going to love me and that’s okay.
One thing I think is interesting is how so many people think I’m oversharing. But some of the people who know me best tell me how good I am at NOT oversharing. I think it’s because they know that there’s a lot that I’m not putting out there, because, I don’t see any benefit to it. There’s no need for everyone to know absolutely everything about me. If you want to get to know me, you can do that organically, not by stalking my blog. That being said, I still have a lot I want to say (and I’m not sure that’s ever going to change). I’m an open book, to an extent. Because everyone has their boundaries and their limits.
I think change generally comes from something reaching its tipping point. My life had reached its tipping point, and so it had to change. So does it hurt when people say negative things about my blog? Yes. Do I sometimes sit and worry if people are thinking I’m a complete disaster and don’t want to even pretend to know me. Most definitely. Does that mean I’m going to stop blogging? Probably not. I see far much more benefit in blogging than in the alternative. So sit back, relax, and get comfy, cuz I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.
I know I started this blog just a few months ago, but nostalgia is setting in real hard because we’re nearing 10,000 views and obviously, I know it’s only a number (and probably nothing for most bloggers out there), but I just really want to say how much I appreciate everyone who reads my blog and who gives me feedback on it; positive, constructive, whatever. Because growth is what it’s all about.
And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention how honored I am to have my recent post on motherhood featured in a very special online monthly called Nashim Magazine. Go check out their instagram and give them a follow. They have some seriously REAL, deep, and thought provoking pieces over there; right up my alley.
Until next time.
Love you all,